You and I
by lost-in-madworld
Summary: Sequel to The Summer I Met You. Tommy finally finds Adam Lambert again after ten years and goes to audition for his band hoping to continue the relationship that they once had. But will they be able to get back together after ten years of being apart?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: **

**Tommy's Pov**

_'This is so fucking stupid, why am I even doing this? I should just turn around and go home right now and forget about this.' _Thoughts ran through my head as I sat in the passenger seat of my best friend's car staring at the cars in front of us. _'Why am I even doing this? It's been ten fucking years it's not like he's going to remember me. Why am I even going?' _I sighed softly snapping the bracelet around my wrist; I wore it at all times for good luck, ever since _he _gave it to me. My best friend looked at me and smiled a little, she's the one who convinced me to even do this, and she knew I was having second thoughts.

"Tommy," She said softly, "this is a great opportunity for you, and it's a chance to see him again." I sighed again.

"Yeah I know Mia, but what if he doesn't even remember me?" I asked, "after all it's been ten years."

"Don't worry sweetie he'll remember you," She said trying her just to assure me, "after all from what you told me it seems like he could never forget you." I rolled my eyes at her and turned my head to look out my window. Ten years ago I had the best summer of my life. I met the most amazing person, who turned out to be the love of my life.

_Adam Lambert_, I'll never forget his name, that boy, now man, changed my life so fucking much. Ten years ago we fell in love; ten years ago he taught me that life was worth living, I can't believe it was ten fucking years ago. I can remember everything like it happened yesterday. I can remember the day my family and I moved to San Diego, the day I first saw Adam. I can remember the day we met, and the day we first hung out. I was so nervous that day we hung out, I was such a dork back then, still am actually but it's probably not as bad.

When we hung out I'd always get so nervous around him and blush like crazy, I smiled to myself remembering the times we had together. How he'd be all relaxed and how I'd be the complete opposite. He would find it cute though, at least that's what he'd always tell me. I smiled a little more thinking about the first time he kissed me, it was so romantic, honestly the best kiss I've ever experienced, and even though that was my first kiss it will always be the best cause it was with someone so special.

I smiled even more thinking of the first time I told him I loved him, how I overreacted when he said all that shit to me, but it was all worth it that one day when he told me he loved me too. I wish our relationship would've lasted longer though, it only lasted a few precious weeks until my parents found out about us and made us move back to Burbank.

I was so heartbroken once we moved back, I wouldn't talk to anyone, not even my sister or Mia, but eventually I healed. I graduated from high school and moved out of my parents' house as soon as I did and moved in with Mia. Over the next few years Adam wasn't really the only thing on my mind, I was more focused on my life really, I was busy with gigs, new bands, money, jobs, I just didn't have time anymore.

Then one day while I was cleaning out my room I came across a bracelet, and some pictures. I looked at the bracelet, it looked so familiar. Then I looked at the pictures, and it all came back to me, Adam, my vow to find him one day, everything. I sat in my room crying for hours, I couldn't believe that I had forgotten about him, the love of my life. Once I found that bracelet I haven't taken it off since, it's the only thing I have left of him besides all of the pictures. I sighed again, even though I remembered him though, I didn't start looking for him, I didn't think there was any use, if I had forgotten him then he had probably forgotten about me, he probably just moved on.

For the 2 years I just went on with my life, but not a day passed where I didn't think about Adam. What he was doing, where he was living, if he found anyone better than me, if he ever started a band or anything. His voice was so amazing when I had heard it, it should be even better than it was then. Then a few months ago I was hanging out with Mia for a while just to relax because I had been working so hard to get my band off the ground, she just thought I needed a break.

Then she convinced me into watching this show, _American Idol_, I was never really into shows like this, but I decided to give it a chance. When we started watching it there was a guy performing, but there was something about this guy that just, I couldn't explain it, it was just like I knew him or something. He had jet black hair and the most hypnotizing blue eyes, and there was just something about his voice. It was just so amazing it was soft but so angelic, the notes that he could it were just like, just like, Adam's.

I watched the whole performance then waited for the host person or whatever to announce his name. _'Adam Lambert everybody!' _My heart stopped, Adam Lambert, my Adam, the one I knew so many years ago? And that's how I ended up here, on my way to the airport to go to L.A. and audition for his band. I sighed, I think it's the stupidest idea ever, I can't even believe I let Mia talk me into going, she knows all about Adam. I would tell her about him all the time, she doesn't want me to miss the opportunity to see him again.

I'm scared to see him though, he probably won't even remember me, but I'm still scared shitless, I mean I haven't see him in person for ten years, and this is the love of my life we're talking about. I looked out my window oh god we're here; Mia looked at me and smiled softly.

"Have a good flight," she said sweetly and kissed my cheek, "good luck at the audition and please actually go to it; you know you wanna see him again." I rolled my eyes.

"Fine whatever I'll go," I said and got out of the car, I grabbed my bags and guitar case out of the back seat, "Bye Mia."

"Bye sweetheart, have fun!" She said before driving away. I sighed once again then walked into the airport I sat down in an uncomfortable gray chair and waited for my flight. _'I hope I'm not making a mistake by doing this' _I thought silently to myself as I turned on my iPod and blasted some Marilyn Manson to calm my nervous. I thought to myself about Adam, I was so excited to see him again, but I still can't help but be scared out of my mind. I hope I actually make the band, but at least I'll actually get to see him again, I really hope he remembers me, then maybe, just maybe we can pick up where we left of ten years ago.

I ran my hand through my black and blonde hair, and got up from my chair once I looked at the time. Yeah, hopefully we can pick up where we left off, if he even remembers me. I take out one of my headphones and hear, _'The flight to Los Angeles is now boarding' _I sigh softly, here goes nothing.

**There you are lovelies, chapter 1 :D Give me a review and tell me what you thought about it. I hope you like this as much as you guys liked 'The Summer I Met You' I love you all, sorry this is short, I'll try to make the next chapter longer :3 **

**~Sarah~ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Tommy's Pov**

I sighed softly as I walked out of the L.A. airport, and found my way to my hotel. The hotel wasn't horrible, but yet it wasn't great, but this is all I can afford so I'll just have to deal with it. I went up to the 4th floor and opened my door to my hotel room then set my bags on the floor and lied down on the bed. _'I can't believe I'm actually here.' _I thought to myself, I'm in L.A. to audition for Adam Lambert's band, I just…..can't believe it. But god am I tired, I really need some sleep, tomorrow's a big day. I call Mia and told her my flight went fine and I'm safe and at my hotel. Then I go change into pajama pant and a t-shirt, and then climb into the bed and try to sleep.

I wake up at 8:00 am when I hear my alarm on my found, I groan loudly and shut it off, this is way too early for me, not to mention I barely got any sleep because I'm so goddamn nervous. I sigh softly and get out of the bed and go to pick out an outfit. I pull a pair of black skinny jeans out of my suitcase and a grey and black hoodie. I laid it out on the unmade bed then went to the small bathroom to take a shower. After my shower I brushed my hair and blow dried it then got myself dressed. After that I put on my eyeliner and a clear shade of lip gloss, then put on my converse, grabbed my guitar case and left the hotel.

I found my way to the building where the auditions were being held and was directed to the waiting area and had to wait there until they call my name. I sat there nervously thinking about Adam and snapping the bracelet, it's a nervous habit I have. I could barely sit still, I was so fucking nervous, okay I need to calm the fuck down and stop freaking out okay deep breaths Tommy, deep breaths. I think people are starting to stare at me. I take a deep breath okay I'm calm, I close my eyes.

"Tommy Joe Ratliff?" I heard my name being called, fuck. Here it goes. I get up and walk over towards a medium height woman with short brunette hair, "Are you Tommy?" she asked.

"Y-yeah." I stuttered.

"And what instrument are you trying out with?" She asked looking at a clipboard.

"G-guitar." I said nervously snapping my bracelet again.

"I'm sorry," she said, "We already have a guitarist." Oh, great, I came here for nothing.

"Oh, well then I guess I'll just go then." I said softly and turned around.

"Wait," she said quickly, I stopped, "they're looking for a bassist, would you happen to play that as well."

"Yeah, I do." I said turning around to look at her, I actually loved playing the bass more than the guitar. She smiled softly and handed me one.

"Well here you go," She said, "Just go through those doors and that's where the auditions are, good luck." I smiled her and went through the doors she directed me in shaking like crazy. Once I entered the room I saw three people sitting at a table, they were all looking at some sort of clipboard, I studied them all carefully. One at this brown Mohawk type thing, he looked pretty cool. Another one I was guessing was the manager or something because she was dressed formally. And then when I looked at the third person I swear my heart stopped. It was Adam, my Adam. Of course he didn't look the same as he did 10 years ago. He had jet black hair, some of his bangs falling into his eyes as he wrote something down on the clipboard, from what I could see he was wearing eyeliner. He was wearing a Queen t-shirt and black skinny jeans. I smiled nervously. He looked up at me; I started shaking even more, shit just calm down Tommy!

"Name?" He asked looking back down at his clipboard. Shit, my name um my name. I took a deep breath. What was my name again? Okay, calm down you know your name just, stop being so nervous!

"T-Tommy Ratliff." I stuttered nervously. He looked up at me giving me an odd look, did he, remember me?

"Tommy," He said sounding a little lost for a moment there but snapping back "What instrument are you going to play today Tommy?" I took another deep breath.

"B-bass." I really need to stop stuttering, I sound like a dork.

"Okay," He said with a smile, "go for it." I closed my eyes for a moment then reopened them and took a guitar pick out of my pocket, then went to plug the bass in. Well, here goes nothing I guess. I started to play the bass with shaking fingers, it was actually the same song I played for Adam the first time he heard me play, I had planned to play it on the guitar like I did all those years ago but whatever, this works too. I just need to focus right now and not screw up. Once my song was down I looked up at Adam, he looked lost again, he looked down at my bracelet and his eyes grew a little wide, oh my god did he….know? Did he remember me?

He snapped back and then looked at me for a moment then stood up and started clapping, and then the others did the same. I have them all confused looks.

"That was great!" Adam said, "That's the best we've heard all day!" I smiled nervously, blushing a little. "I think we've found our bassist!" My heart stopped for what the third time today? I made it? He looked at the others and they nodded their heads. Oh my god…..I made it. Adam looked back at me and smiled; he got out of his chair and walked over to me. I looked up at him, dammit he was still taller than me, perfect. "Welcome to the band Tommy." He said and held out his hand, I took his hand with my shaky one and he shook my hand.

"T-Thank you." I said.

"You're welcome," He said, "We're going to start rehearsals for the AMAs tomorrow so just come back here at 8:00 am"

"O-okay." I said nervously, and after that left the room to go return the bass. I found the woman he gave it to me and she smiled at me.

"So how'd it go?" She asked.

"I…..made it." I said still shocked that I actually made it.

"Oh congratulations!" She said with a smile on her face and taking the bass. I smiled a little at her.

"Thanks." I said and walked towards the door leading to the parking lot. I sighed softly and ran a hand through my hair and started to open the door.

"Tommy, wait!" I heard a familiar voice, I turned around, it was Adam. My heart started beating faster as he approached me. He smiled softly, "Um do you think I could talk to you for just a minute?"

"Y-yeah sure." I said nervously and a followed him into a room and we both sat down. He looked at me for a moment.

"So, Tommy," He said, "where are you from?"

"Burbank." I said softly looking at my feet; I could feel his eyes on me.

"Cool," He said and I looked up at him and smiled nervously, he looked at the bracelet around my wrist for a moment, "Where'd you get that bracelet, it looks, familiar." I took a deep breath and looked at my bracelet.

"Someone special gave it to me," I said softly, "a long time ago." He looked back down at my bracelet and smiled softly.

"How long ago?" He asked.

"About ten years." I said softly still looking at my bracelet as memories flooded into my head.

"Wow, that's a long time ago," He said, "why'd they give it to you?" I looked back up at Adam, was he trying to figure out if I'm the same Tommy, he looked at me, he looked lost again, for a moment I saw the same Adam I did 10 years ago.

"I'm not really sure why they gave it to me actually; I guess it was because he wanted me to have something to remember me by." I said softly.

"He?" He asked.

"Yeah, he." I said looking up at the celling; Adam was still looking at me.

"What was his name?" He asked, I looked at him, I was still shaky, I blushed softly, and took a deep breath.

"Adam." His eyes grew wide; he stared at me, scratching for something to say. He took a deep breath.

"Okay Tommy, this is going to sound extremely crazy but-…" I cut him off.

"Am I the same Tommy that you knew 10 years ago?" His eyes grew even more wide.

"It is….you." He smiled softly and pulled me into a tight hug that cut off my breathing. "I can't believe it I thought I'd never see you again after you left!" I smiled a little as he let go of me.

"Same here." I said. He smiled even more.

"So what have you been doing?" He asked, "I just have so many questions!" I giggled a little bit.

"I've just been living in Burbank with my friend Mia and switching from band to band." I said softly.

"How did you find out about the auditions?" He asked.

"Well actually I saw you on American Idol when Mia convinced me to watch it then I saw you and when I told her she found out about the auditions and convinced me into coming." I said.

"Well I'm really glad you came." He said smiling.

"Me too." I said smiling like crazy. Oh my god I missed him so much, his voice his smile, his hugs. I'm so fucking glad I came; I'll have to thank Mia later. We talked a little more, just about him and his experiences and a few of mine, after a while he had to go. So we hugged goodbye and I went back to my hotel to call Mia and tell her I made it and thank her for convincing me to come. She got really excited it was hard to get off the phone with her. After a while I was finally able to get off the phone and go to sleep cause I was so exhausted. And I had another long day ahead of me tomorrow. Great.

I changed into my pajamas and climbed into the bed, fell asleep, and had sweet dreams of Adam.

**There ya go Darlings ^_^ Chapter 2 :D I decided to post this chapter easrly because you guys just gave me so much love for chapter 1 so I just feel like you deserve it :) I love you all. Thanks for reading ^_^**

**~Sarah~ :D **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Tommy's Pov**

"Okay guys let's run through it one more time and then we can take a break."

I sighed softly and rolled my eyes. Adam is such a perfectionist. I push my bangs out of my face and begin to play with my aching fingers. We were rehearsing for the AMAs, we would be performing in two days and Adam was trying to make everything perfect. For the past two weeks it's been nothing but rehearsing, it was really difficult since Adam decided to put me on the keyboard, so I had to learn all the parts on that, but I don't really mind, I do love playing the keyboard, and I could never say no to Adam.

I sigh again and try to focus on playing the keyboard, but Adam's dancing was so damn distracting. I just hope I'm able to focus when we actually perform, how embarrassing would it be if I messed up? Okay, just don't think about it, just focus on playing. I looked down at my fingers on the keyboard and tried to focus on the notes. While I'm playing I keep stealing glances at Adam, watching him dance like a sex god.

I smile to myself while watching him, him and I have gotten closer over these past two weeks. We're as close as we were as teenagers; he's my best friends again. I smile a little more. I stare at Adam as he come onto my platform and approaches me. He ruffles my hair a little and my heart skips a beat. He smiles softly, then walks away and finishes the song. I can feel my face start to heat up, whenever he touches me I just get so flustered, I have no idea why.

Once the song is over he looks back at us and smiles. "That was great you guys, take 10." I sigh softly and walk backstage to get a bottle of water. Once the bottle is empty I tosh it in the trash and start to wander around. My mind won't seem to shut up. My mind hasn't really shut up ever since Adam and I got reunited. My mind keeps telling me I should tell him that I still have feelings for him after all this time, but I think that would sound stupid, he'd like laugh in my face or something, I know for a fact that he doesn't still have feelings for me. I mean, it's hard to believe that he once had feelings for me.

Guys like him shouldn't like guys like me. He could have anyone in the world, but all those years ago he still chose me…..I can guarantee you he wouldn't choose me again. I sighed softly and walked to the dressing room that I shared with the rest of the band and sat down in a chair. I just really need to get over what Adam and I had 10 years ago, it's not going to happen again, I need to get that through my thick skull. I rested my head in my hands and took a deep breathe. Why can't I just forget about what we used to have? Why do I still have to be in love with him after all this time?

Why can't I just let go of that relationship we had? I'm so stupid for still being in love with him. I know I'm just going to end up getting hurt in the end. I always do. I sighed once again and I heard the door to the dressing room open and close. I looked up and saw Adam standing in front of me, my heart started beating faster, he smiled softly.

"Hey tommy," he said softly and said down next to me, "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Sorry, I just don't really like being around, people." I said making an excuse, I just wanted a quiet place for me to think, plus I'm kinda shy around people.

"Oh," He said, looking down at his hands, "So….are you excited for the AMAs?" he asked.

"Yeah it should be fun," I said and smiled shyly looking at the ground, if I look at his face I'll probably start blushing and rambling or something, "are you excited?" I looked up at him for a moment and he smiled down at me, I blushed.

"Uh yeah!" he exclaimed and started laughing. My blush deepened; he had such a beautiful laugh. I smiled shyly. He smiled back at me.

"So how do you like being part of the band?" He asked me.

"I really like it; it's a lot of fun." I said looking back at the floor, and it gives me an excuse to be around you…how embarrassing would it be if I said that out loud?

"Good, you know you haven't really made friends with any of the other band members, you kinda just keep to yourself." He said softly.

"Well I guess I'm just kinda shy around people I don't really know that well…" I said softly keeping my eyes on the floor.

"Ah, makes sense." He said softly. I looked up at him; he was staring intently at his hands, picking his black nail polish, my heart starting racing.

"Hey, Adam?" I asked softly, still staring at him.

"Yeah?" He asked looking down at me. I sighed softly looking at my hands.

"What do you do if you really, really like someone, but you don't know if they feel the same way about you?" I asked nervously and picking at my own nail polish. I looked back up at him and he looked a little lost.

"Well," He said, "you just need to be honest with them and tell them how you feel; you shouldn't hide how you feel, it will only make things worse, trust me." He said and smiled down at me, I smiled shyly and blushed.

"Thanks, Adam." I said softly, his smile grew.

"Anytime." He said. I smiled a little more and looked back down at my hands, Adam's right, I should just be honest with him. I should just get it over with and tell him. So I can stop going crazy. And, maybe, just maybe, he might feel the same. I took a deep breath and I was just about to tell him and….

"Well we should probably get back onstage," he said softly, "We need to keep practicing" He said with a smile, I sighed softly.

"Okay…" I said and got up, he did the same. He walked over to the door, I stayed where I was, and he looked back at me.

"Are you coming?" He asked, I looked at him and nodded my head.

"Yeah, I'll be right there." I said softly, he shrugged his shoulders and walked out the door, closing it behind him. I sighed again and looked at myself in the mirror. I have to tell him, soon. I have to ask him if we can talk, I can't chicken out of this, I just can't. I looked away from the mirror and walked over to the door opened it and walked back towards the stage. I took my place behind the keyboard and took a deep breath, I can tell him.

**There you go loveys, chapter 3 ^_^ I'm so, so, so, so ,so ,so , soooooo sorry it took me so long to update. I had lots of family drama, which caused me to have to stay with a friend for a while, and now I have to move and yeah. But I gave you a chapter, and if you guys are super nice and give me some love I'll try to post a chapter ASAP, I hope you guys aren't mad at me for not posting. I promise I'll start posting more often. I shall give you all hugs & cookies to make it up to you ^_^ I love you all! You're all amazing! **

**~Sarah~ :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Tommy's Pov**

My heart pounded in my chest as I stood there trying to listen to Adam's pep talk, I just couldn't think straight right now, we're going on stage in less than a half an hour and performing on National Television! I'm kind of freaking out. I took a deep breath I couldn't stop shaking, I ran a hand through my hair and stared at the floor as Adam continued to speak.

"Alright guys, this is our moment, and we can do this! It's going to be amazing, and we are going to have a great time! This is what we've been rehearsing for! Now let's get our asses out there and let's do this!" Adam said. Everyone cheered and seemed excited I just kept looking at the floor and couldn't stop shaking. What if I mess up? What if something goes wrong? What if I ruin the entire performance? "Tommy?" I looked up, Adam was staring at me, everyone else had left, I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Y-yeah?" I stuttered.

"Are you ready?" He asked a soft smile on his perfect lips.

"Y-yeah, definitely." I lie. He studied my face for a moment then pulled me into a warm hug, my heart started beating even faster, if that was even possible. I smiled a little.

"I know you're nervous," He whispered, "But you're going to do great, you're so talented." Suddenly….I didn't feel nervous anymore, not when he's holding me like this, not when he's whispering stuff like that to me. He let go of me and smiled softly, "You're going to be so great…" And with that he turned away and walked out of the room that we were in. Okay, the nerves were back.

I took a few deep breaths and sat down in a nearby chair. I just need to calm down, I can do this, I can do this. I'm not going to mess up; I'm going to do great, just like Adam said. I just. Need. To. Stay. Calm. I took another deep breath and got up form the chair and looked in the mirror, I was in full make-up and dress. And I had to admit I looked pretty decent. I sighed softly and walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.

I walked down the busy halls going toward the stage where we would be performing. I found the rest of the band standing backstage about to go on. They smiled at me and I smiled nervously. Waiting to go on. Once it was time for us to go I took my place behind the keyboard and took a few deep breaths. '_You can do this Tommy, no one's going to be paying attention to you anyway, they're all going to be paying attention to Adam! So stop freaking out! You're not going to mess up!' _ I took another deep breath. Here we go….

I started to play the beginning, my heart beating ferociously in my chest. But once the curtains went up and the rest of the band joined in, I actually got pretty into it and stopped freaking out so much. I was finally able to look up form the keys and watch Adam. I started to wonder what I had been missing in rehearsal. Did he just shove that guy's face in his crotch? Ummm Adam we're on nation television! I don't think people are gonna like that…oh my gosh did he just fall! Okay, he covered it up, he's getting back up, focus Tommy, focus. Adam knows what he's doing.

I sighed softly and focused back on the keys, Adam was starting to make me extremely turned on and the last thing I need right now is a massive hard-on. I kept playing as I looked up again, Adam was approaching my level. I knew what to expect, he was probably just gonna pull my hair a little like he did in rehearsal, nothing new. I watched as Adam approached me, looking back down at the keyboard trying to focus on what I was playing.

I looked up a little through my bangs as I watched Adam sing those last few fateful lyrics before he grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me. He. Kissed. Me. Adam fucking Lambert just fucking kissed me! I gripped the side of the keyboard losing myself in the kiss, losing myself in the taste of him. Suddenly everything just stood still and it felt like it was just me and him and no one else. Just. Us. Nothings keeping apart, like all those years never mattered. The….well then he let go. And everything went back to normal. I went back to playing the end of the song, but I was so lost. It was like my body was there but my mind wasn't.

I walked off the stage in a daze, not being able to talk to anyone. I walked down the hall into the dressing room and sat down in a chair in front of the make-up table. I looked up in the mirror, and I was finally able to snap out of my trance. What the hell just happened? Adam just kissed me! HE KISSED ME! Why did he kiss me? Why would he want to kiss me! Okay….I was kin of freaking out. Adam hasn't kissed me for ten fucking years then he decides to fucking eat my face of on national television! _'Oh please Tommy, you loved it!' _ Okay….maybe I did, but why did he kiss me? I mean I know I still have feelings for him, but there's no fucking way he would still have feelings! I mean look at me then look at him. He doesn't want me….

Why would he even think of being with me? I mean sure we once had something, but that was then and this is now. I need a fucking reality check; we'll never be together again! It may hurt, but….well that's the truth. The kiss thing, he just probably got caught up in the moment, he doesn't feel anything for me. He only sees me as a friend, that's all I'll ever be to him, a friend. I heard a soft know on the door, I sighed softly.

"Come in!" I said, and I turned around in my chair. Adam opened the door slightly and slipped in and walked toward me.

"Hey." He said softly.

"Hey." I said and looked back at the mirror and started to take off my make-up. He pulled up a chair and sat down next to me.

"Listen Tommy…" He started, "About that kiss, I'm so sorry, I was just so caught up in the moment…" I figured….I knew he didn't feel the same way about me.

"Hey don't worry about it man!" I said trying to hide the hurt from my voice, "I'm totally cool with it; it's just rock n roll!" He smiled at me.

"So you're like fine with the whole kissing thing?" He asked.

"Yeah, of course, it doesn't bother me!" I said.

"Thanks Tommy!" He said pulling me into a hug.

"No problem, man!" I said, he smiled at me then got up and walked across the room and started to take off his make-up. I sighed softly and continued to take off my make-up. My heart was silently breaking. I just wanted to be with Adam so badly. I wanted him to know how I feel, but I can't tell him. I know he'll never feel the same, he moved on, so why can't I? Why do I still have to hang onto what we had ten years ago!

I felt a few tears fall down my cheeks, I wiped them away quickly. Adam looked up at me.

"Tommy, are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah…I'm fine." I said softly…..just fine.

**There you go my loves! Chapter 4. I know it took me forever to write this. But I finally got everything figured out and now I'll try to update as much as I can! I love you all! Thank you for reading! :) **

** ~Sarah~ **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Tommy's Pov**

It's been 3 weeks since the AMA's, 3 weeks since Adam kissed me, sometimes I like to pretend the whole thing never happened, jut for my sanity, so maybe I don't have to lay awake every night wondering if he really kissed me cause he was caught up in the moment, or if he kissed me because he might still have feelings for me, sometimes it's easier to just pretend that it never happened.

And my feelings, it's much easier to just pretend they don't exist, that I never liked him that way and I only came back because I needed a job. It may hurt to bottle it all up but everything's much easier this way. I realized that I can't spend my time fantasizing about what Adam and I had ten years ago, it's never gonna happen again and it's time for me to get that through my thick skull.

I looked up from my bass sneaking a look at Adam, we were rehearsing for some concert that we had in a few days. Ever since the AMA's we've been really busy, Adam got a bunch of gigs canceled because of the whole performance, apparently a bunch of people got pissed off about the whole thing, but Adam didn't really care, and he refused to make any apologies, he's always been that way, one of the reasons why I always loved him so much, I sighed softly and looked back down at my bass, not wanted to get distracted and mess up and then bring all attention towards me, Adam was already getting worried about me because I rarely ever talk and just keep to myself most of the time.

"Alright everyone it sounds great, that wraps up rehearsal for today." Said Adam putting the microphone back on its stand. I sighed again and put down my bass, walking off stage to get a bottle of water. After I got my water I turned around to see the rest of the band talking, having fun, I haven't really made friends with any of them yet, I guess I'm still just shy, I've always been that way. I looked down at my feet, and then finished my water. I looked back up to see Adam walking towards me, just great.

"Hey Tommy" He said with a smile.

"Hey…Adam." I said trying my best to look happy to see him.

"So…um I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight or something, me and the band are going to a club and you just seem like you need to have a good time, so you want to come with us?" He asked shyly, I sighed once again and looked into his eyes. His eyes told me that he really wanted me to come with them, I've been sort of ignoring him since the AMA's, and we had just gotten our friendship, I knew if I said no he's be hurt…and what harm could one night out do? I really need to get out anyway.

"Sure…I'll go." I said softly. Adam's face lit up and he pulled me into a hug, my heart started beating faster, but I ignored it.

"Okay so I'll pick you up at around 7 and we'll meet the rest of the band at the club." He said sounding even more cheerful, I resisted the urge to roll my eyes then responded.

"Okay, I'm looking forward to it." I said trying to hide the sarcasm in my voice, he walked away with a smile on his face and went to go talk to one of the other band members. I took a deep breath and decided I better get going and try to get ready for tonight, cause I had a feeling it was gonna be a long ass night. I walked out of the building and out to my car, then drove myself back to my new apartment.

I walked into my apartment and went to go find an outfit for tonight, I picked out a pair of skinny jeans and a tank top and over shirt, and this was good enough, I through it onto my bed and went out into the kitchen and checked the time. 5:30, I sighed softly then went into the bathroom to take a shower. After my shower I got dressed, dried my hair, straightened my hair, and then started to apply my make-up. I put on my eyeliner, a clear coat of lip gloss, and just a little bit of glitter, I checked myself out in the mirror and decided I looked decent enough, I walked back out into the living room and pulled out my phone to check the time, 7:01, I sighed then pulled on my shoes and sat down on my couch.

A few minutes later I heard a knock on my door, and my heart started beating even faster and I had to fight the urge to smile when I opened the door and saw Adam standing there looking as hot as ever. He smiled down at me.

"You look nice." He said.

"Thanks." I said softly and felt my cheeks heat up. I smiled a little and looked up at him.

"Well we should get going; the band's waiting for us." I nodded my head and followed him into the hallway, closing my door and locking it. I followed him out to his car and got in the passenger side, he got in the driver's side then started to drive to the club.

"You know Tommy, I'm really glad you decided to come, I really miss hanging out with you." He said.

"I'm glad I decided to come too," I said with a smile, "I miss hanging out with you too." He smiled softly and kept driving. We arrived at the club and we walked in together, looking for the rest of the band, Adam saw them at the bar ordering drinks so he went over there and I followed. He sat down next to them, and I sat down next to him.

"Hey guys look who decided to come!" said Adam pointing to me. The whole band started talking about how happy they were to see me come out of my shell and actually make an attempt to hang out around people for once, I didn't really pay attention, I just stared at my hands until they stopped talking and they went to go dance. Adam looked at me and smiled, "Want to go dance?" he asked.

"Nah, no thanks, I'm not much of a dancer, you can go dance if you want to though." I said.

"No I'd rather stay here with you, I'm not gonna leave you here all by yourself, can I buy you a drink?" He asked.

"Sure." I said looking at my hands, Adam ordered two beers, one for me and one fro him.

"So, Tommy," He said, "What's been up with you lately, you've been really quiet and kept to yourself more than usual, what happened?" He asked.

"Nothing happened." I said looking at him.

"Tommy, I'm not an idiot, is this about the AMA's?" He asked.

"What? No! Of course not!" I said a little too quickly.

"Then what is it?" He asked.

"I've just had…..a lot on my mind lately, just a lot of things going on, a lot of changes in my life I'm just trying to deal with everything." I said.

"Ah," He said softly looking down at his beer and taking a sip, "So…I've been wondering, why did you come back, after all those years." He said trying to change the subject.

"Well first of all I needed a job, like badly, but I'd also be lying if I said I didn't miss you, you were my best friend, I wanted to see you again, even if it was after 10 years." I said softly trying to be honest, leaving out the part of me being in love with him. He smiled softly.

"So….got anyone special in your life?" He asked, I almost spit out my beer, I swallowed the beer I was drinking, and cleared my throat.

"Um, no, not at the moment, how about you?" I asked.

"Mm no, but there's someone I have in mind." He said with a smile.

"Oh really now?" I asked with a smile, "And who would this someone be?"

"Not telling." He said with a mischievous smile.

"Oh c'mon! I thought we were bestest friends!" I whined, he chuckled softly.

"We are bestest friends! It's just a secret, you'll find out soon enough!" He said with a smile.

"Fine!" I said and started to pout.

"Oh Tommy don't start pouting, I'm sure there's someone you have in mind that you're not telling me!" He said.

"Well that's true…" I said.

"Oh it is?" He said.

"Yes, indeed it is, but since you won't tell me, then I won't tell you!" I said sounding like a ten year old, ah fuck it, who cares! I'm having fun for once! He smiled.

"Okay I'll make a deal, I'll tell you who I have in mind, if you tell me who you have in mind." He said.

"Fine!" I said.

"You first." He said smiling. Oh shit, I wasn't thinking, I can't tell him who I have feelings for, I have feelings for him! What if I make it all awkward and stuff and he likes someone else? I…I…can't…tell…him. '_Oh c'mon Tommy, you have to tell him at some point, and now's your chance!' _ I sighed softly, okay I'll tell him, this is my chance.

"Okay, Adam I like y-.."

"Hey Adam!" I heard someone call just great, Adam turned around as did I, turns out Monte was calling him, and he walked up to us. "Adam we should all probably get going, after all we have rehearsal in the morning.

"Yeah you're probably right," Adam said to the guitarist then got up and looked at me, "C'mon Tommy, I'll drive you home." He said I followed him out to his car, just great thanks Monte I was just about to tell Adam how I feel and you just had to butt it! UGH! I got into the car, as did Adam and he started to drive me home.

"So…uh Tommy, back at the club…you were…saying?" He said, I looked at my hands, I can't tell him now.

"Listen Adam,. How about I just tell you tomorrow, okay?" He sighed softly.

"Okay, you promise?" He asked.

"I promise." I said softly.

"Okay." He said with a smile and stopped in front of my apartment building. I opened the door then looked back at Adam.

"Goodnight Adam, I'll see you tomorrow." I said then pulled him into a hug.

"Goodnight Tommy, see you tomorrow." I let go of him with a smile then closed the door. And as I walked up to my apartment I promised myself that tomorrow I would tell him.

**There ya go! :D Chapter 5! I'm really sorry I haven't updated for so long, I've just been sick and had writer's block, but I'll try to update more often :) I love you all, thanks for reading! **

**~Sarah~ **


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm really, really, really, really, really, REALLY sorry I haven't updated in FOREVER has it been like 2 months? O.o Well I promise to update more often. I shall give cookies and huggles to all of you! :3**

**Chapter 6**

**Tommy's Pov**

I woke up to the obnoxious sound of my phone alarm, I rolled over in my bed, grabbed my phone to turn off that annoying noise. I look at the time on my phone 10:00 a.m., way too early for me, but rehearsal starts at noon. Sometimes the only thing that gets me to go to rehearsal is Adam. I love seeing him, hearing him, and just being around him. Oh shit, speaking of Adam I promised I'd tell him I'm in love with him today, well I promised him I would tell him who I'm in love with, which is him, fuck.

Honestly I really don't want to admit my feelings to him. I have so many doubts; I know he doesn't feel the same way, even though we had a fling back in the day. But a promise is a promise, and I always keep mine, so I'll have to suck it up and tell him, no matter how much I don't want to. I groaned loudly and rolled out of the warmth of my bed.

I walked across the room to my dresser and pulled a pair out a pair of black skinny jeans, and one of my favorite white and grey hoodies. I put on my outfit and walked into the bathroom to do my hair and put on my eyeliner. After I was done getting ready I checked the time on my phone. 11:45….rehearsal starts at noon, if I leave now I should make it in time. I grabbed my keys off the counter, slipped my phone into my pocket, and went outside to my car.

I drove to rehearsal in silence; some crappy song was playing quietly on the car stereo, so I was left alone with my thoughts. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about going to rehearsal today, I knew I wasn't ready to Adam about my feelings, but I guess it's now or never. I just hope my feelings don't affect the friendship me and Adam have gotten back. I mean I don't want to ruin our entire relationship by telling him about my feelings, I mean there's still a very high possibility that Adam has zero feelings for me.

I mean yeah we had something once, but that was 10 fucking years ago. I'm sure he's moved on by now, unlike me, I mean Adam sure acts like he has moved on. Maybe telling him is bad idea…wait…no, I promised him and myself I would tell him, and Tommy Joe Ratliff _never _breaks his promises. I sighed loudly I just really hope I don't fuck anything up like I always do…

I pulled into the parking lot of the building rehearsal was being held in. I get out of my car, locked it, and walked up to the building. Before I walked in I checked the time on my phone, 12:10…shit I'm late. Oh well, Adam won't care…

I walked into the building and onto the stage Adam and the band had already started rehearsing, once I walked onto the stage all eyes were on me. My cheeks turned a light red, I really hated when all attention was directed towards me…but it was kinda my own fault. Adam stopped singing and looked at me.

"Hey Ratliff, you're late." He said with a smile. I smiled back at him.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Sorry." I said softly and picked up my bass, plugging it in. Adam sighed softly.

"It's fine." He said his smile growing; he looked back at the band, "From the top guys." We started playing the beginning of For Your Entertainment. Then we went through Fever, If I Had You, and Strut.

"That sounds great you guys," Adam said proudly after finishing Strut, "Take 10." We all put our instruments down and walked backstage. I took a bottle of water and went and stood by a wall away from everyone else, I was still somewhat anti-social and didn't feel like talking to any of them. I just drank my water bottle in peace until Adam came up to me with a smile. "Hey Tommy," He said cheerfully, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure." I said softly, throwing away my empty water bottle, and following him to one of the empty dressing rooms. We both sat down next to each other on a couch, it was silent and kind of awkward until Adam finally spoke up.

"Do you think I could ask you for some advice?" He asked shyly.

"Of course." I said with a comforting smile.

"Well there's…this guy that I really, really like…he's just…well he's amazing Tommy, I don't think I've ever liked anyone this much before," He said softly, "And well I really want to be with him, but I just don't know how to tell him that y'know? I mean I may seem like this big confident rock star but I still get nervous and insecure, and I just…well I don't know what to do…" I studied Adam for a while.

"I-um…Adam, what's his name?" I asked softly looking deep into his eyes, hoping, just hoping, that he'll say my name…

"His name is Ben…" He whispered, and with that my heart broke in half, my entire world fell apart; my Adam was in love with someone else…I stared at Adam for a long time…tears threatening to fall…"So what do you think I should do, Tommy?" Adam whispered.

"Well," I wanted to tell Adam to fuck off and tell him that this Ben guy would never love him as much as I did, I took a deep breath, "Be honest with him, tell him how you really feel, I know it's scary…telling someone that you're…well in love with them, but you can't hide your feelings for them forever, it's best to just be honest, and hope for the best. If this guy is as amazing as you say he is, he'll think you're just as amazing, because let's be honest Adam, you are the most amazing person I have ever met, and anyone and I mean _anyone _would be lucky to be with you," I whispered trying my best to hold back my tears, "And if this guy hurts you, or turns you down, he wasn't worth it, and I swear I will kick his ass." Adam had the hugest smile on his face, I bet I looked like I was about to break down…

"Thank you so much Tommy," He whispered and pulled me into a tight hug, "You give the best advice…" I forced a smile and hugged him back, loving every moment of being in his arms, although…I kinda wanted to pull away, I was mad at him, mad at him for loving someone else, why can't he love me? Instead of this stupid fucking Ben guy, although I really had no right to say that…I didn't even know this guy…he's probably nice, probably…

We pulled away and Adam looked at me intently, he looked as if he was trying to figure something out.

"So…you said last night you had a special someone in your life?" Adam asked, I smiled sadly.

"Well, I don't really have anyone like that," I whispered, "I just have a crush…on someone really special."

"Well who is this person?" Adam asked.

"That um…doesn't really matter," I said softly, "We should probably get back, we need to finish rehearsal." And with that I left the room, running to the bathroom and letting my tears escape…


	7. Chapter 7

** Hey guys! Um heh sorry it's been a really long time since I've updated this story…or any of my other stories. I just kind of um gave up on fanfiction for a while. Sorry about that. So I decided to be nice and finish my stories! And maybe start a few more ^_^ Anyways, that's all. **

**~Sarah**

** Chapter 7**

** Tommy's POV **

I sat alone in my darkened apartment staring at my TV. It was playing some rerun of Family Guy, but I wasn't paying any attention to it. My mind was still lingering on the conversation I had with Adam earlier today. I couldn't believe it, Adam had found someone else. He really didn't love me anymore; all I was to him was a friend, nothing more. I felt a few warm tears run down my cheeks. I hated crying with a passion, it made me feel weak, but I couldn't help it. I just felt so horrible, I couldn't explain it. All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball in my bed and never face the world again, but somehow I knew that's not all I wanted. As much as I hated to admit it I really wanted Adam right now. I love him, sometimes it seems like he's the only person who can make me feel better even though he's the one who made me feel this way, unintentionally, of course.

Adam had no idea how much he was really hurting me. Really it's my fault, if I could just be honest with him, if I could just man up and tell him how I feel, I wouldn't have to deal with this. If I could just tell him everything would be a lot easier….or would it? Telling Adam would ruin everything. It would ruin Adam's happiness with that Ben guy. Adam finally found someone who he thinks is the one and I'm just gonna ruin that for him. I can't do that. But can I really just sit here and suffer in silence? Can I really just sit by and watch as someone takes Adam from me? Can I really do that? Is it really possible for me to spend day after day with him keeping this secret? That I'm still in love with him after ten years of being apart. That I'm still holding onto a summer romance we had when we were kids. I can't do that; I can't just hide it forever. It'll kill me, I mean can you imagine how it would feel spending day after day with the person you love and they don't even know that you're still in love with them? And you just have to sit there and watch as they go off and find someone else?

But I can't just tell Adam how I feel, not after what he told me today. He's found someone else, he doesn't need me anymore. I shouldn't have even come back, it's clear that he's happy without me. Maybe I should just leave, I mean it's not like I have any friends besides Adam, and he doesn't even want me, so why the fuck should I stay?

'_Because Adam loves you, he needs you. He lost you once; do you really want to put him through that pain again? You mean everything to him. You haven't even told him how you feel. For all you know he could feel the same way, maybe he just thinks you don't feel the same way anymore. So he's going off to find someone else because he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life alone. Ever think of that?' _

Well no, but if Adam actually loved me don't you think he would tell me? He's an open person.

'_Think about it, you're an open person to. But you're afraid of rejection, you're afraid he won't love you. So you refuse to tell him. Maybe he has the same fears. You really need to think these things through. Why don't you just fucking tell him already? If he loves you, he loves you. Great. But if he doesn't oh well, it's not meant to be. But at least you tried; you can say you had the balls to tell Adam Fucking Lambert you were in love with him. But if you don't you'll have to go through life wondering, what if? Is that really what you want?'_

I never thought about it like that. Maybe there is a chance he loves me back, I just don't know what I'm supposed to tell him. What if I tell him and it ruins everything? What if it makes everything awkward and Adam never wants to see me ever again?

'_That would me he's not a real friend. A real friend stands by your side no matter what. And you know Adam better than that; you know he would never just toss you aside. You mean so much to him.' _

I sighed, my conscious had a point. Okay that sounded really fucking weird. I'm having a conversation with myself. God, I'm insane. But it really didn't matter anymore. I dug my phone out of my pocket. I opened my contacts. Adam was the first name on the list, I wanted to call him. I needed to hear his voice, I needed to…god. I just needed him. I felt like I was going to start crying again, and why you ask? I have no idea. I was just so fucking emotional, it wasn't like me, but all of this fucking drama has turned me into a heartbroken teenage girl. Fuck my life.

Before I could even register what I was doing a pressed call on my phone. It was ringing, my heart was beating fast. Oh god what time is it? What if Adam's sleeping? God, this was a terrible idea. But before I could hang up, Adam answered his phone.

"Tommy?" His velvety voice rang through my ears.

"Um yeah…uh…hi." I said softly, I didn't really think this way through. I don't even know why I called him! I just….need to hear his voice.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, "Why are you calling so late?" Shit. I knew I shouldn't have called. This was such a bad idea. I'm such a fucking idea. God.

"I-I um…" I trailed off. Now I couldn't tell you why. But for some ungodly reason I started to break down. Tears were running down my face and I felt so fucking pathetic. I let out a soft sob.

"Tommy?" He sounded worried, "Tommy are you crying? What's wrong?" I didn't respond. I just kept crying. I hated myself; I hated how weak I was. I wish I could just disappear.

"Tommy, baby, please answer me." He pleaded.

"I'm sorry, Adam." I whispered. I sounded pathetic, weak. I hated that I was bothering him. I was such a waste of space.

"Tommy, why are you sorry?" He asked me. I couldn't respond, so I hung up. I still had no fucking idea as to why I was crying. Maybe it was hearing his voice. I don't know, it could have been anything. I sighed and laid on my couch, trying to calm myself down. But it wasn't working, Adam had called me several times since I hung up on him, but I ignored his calls. I didn't want him to hear me cry. I don't know how long I stayed curled up on my couch but my crying session was interrupted by someone knocking at my door. I looked at the time on my phone, 4 am. Who the fuck is knocking at my door at 4 am?

"Tommy, open your door!" It was Adam. Why was he here? Well, that was a stupid question. He was probably worried about me. I couldn't blame him, but I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Go away!" I yelled.

"No!" He responded, "Please Tommy just open the door. You won't answer any of my calls, I'm worried about you. Just please open the door." He pleaded. I sighed heavily and untangled myself from the ball I had been curled up in. I walked over to my door and opened it. Adam stood a good head taller than me. His hair was down and falling into his face. He was wearing black skinny jeans a white t-shirt and leather jacket. A worried expression was painted across his face as he looked down at me. I wrapped my arms around myself and looked at the ground. I knew I looked pathetic. Adam wrapped his arms around me bringing me into a tight hug. That was too much for me, my tears came back, and I wrapped my arms tightly around Adam sobbing into his chest. Not willing to let go of him. He rubbed my back gently, it felt nice. I don't know how long we stood in the hallway but after a while I ended up letting him into my apartment.

We sat down on the couch, Adam was looking at me but I refused to make eye contact with him. I just couldn't.

"Tommy, please look at me." He said softly, putting a hand on my leg. I reluctantly looked at him. His eyes told me he was worried and confused. He had no idea why I was acting like this and that worried him. I sighed. "Tommy, will you please tell me what's going on with you? I can help you, you know that."

"I can't tell you." I said softly.

"Why not? I'm your friend, I care about you. I'll listen." He said. I sighed again, I could feel tears sting my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I couldn't start crying again.

"It's too complicated, Adam," I said, sounding oh so pathetic, 'I have to handle it on my own."

"Why won't you let me help you?" He asked.

"Because you wouldn't understand." I said.

"How do you know that?" He asked sounding hurt. I felt horrible. I wanted to tell him, I really did, but I couldn't. Not now. Not yet. _'And why not? Now would be perfect, you could tell him and just get it off your chest. You don't have to hurt him.' _ I groaned softly, so Adam couldn't hear it.

"I just…Adam…I," I couldn't speak; I didn't know what to say, "I just don't want to ruin everything."

"What would you be ruining by telling me why you're so upset?" He asked. I groaned. I couldn't deal with this right now.

"I'm in love," I said without thinking, "I'm so fuckin in love with this amazing guy and he doesn't love me. I can't even tell him how I feel because I just…he can't know." Adam looked confused for a moment.

"Who are you in love with?" He asked. I stared at him for a while wanting to just come clean and tell him.

"I can't tell you!" I exclaimed becoming frustrated.

"And why not?" He asked.

"Because you can't know! No one can!" I said loudly, Adam looked hurt, I sighed, "Adam I'm really sorry, I am. But I just can't do this right now. I'm really tired and it's really late." He sighed.

"Fine, whatever," He said obviously hurt, "I'll see you tomorrow." And with that he left. I had never felt so horrible.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Tommy's POV **

I lay on my bed staring at my boring white celling, my phone alarm was going off, and I had no intention to turn it off. I had to be at rehearsal soon, but I didn't want to go. I didn't want to see anyone right now; I didn't get any sleep last night. After Adam left I kind of just laid in my bed, I couldn't sleep after what happened. After hurting Adam, I just felt so bad. I sighed snapping my bracelet, I studied it carefully. It had a black band, with beads, spelling out the word forever. I always wondered if Adam had made this bracelet. But it didn't matter now because all this bracelet was, was a memory and nothing more. I don't even know why I'm still wearing it. I took a deep breath and rolled out of my bed, I had no idea how I was going to face today.

Unless I….no I couldn't. I vowed to myself so many years ago that I'd never do it again. For Adam, for myself, and for my future. But what fucking future do I have? Adam doesn't love me, so what's the fucking use? All those years ago I refused to do it for Adam, because one day he was going to find me and we would fall in love and get married, but that's not the case anymore. He doesn't love me. I pulled open the drawer of my bedside table, pulling out a small box. A box I haven't opened since I was 14. I don't know why I've kept it for all these years, I guess I kept it just in case I needed it, and I really needed it. I opened the small box and pulled out a thin, silver razor. I sighed, is this really the only choice I have? I mean it was so hard to stop, after all these years do I really want to go back into these old habits?

Yes.

I pulled off my hoodie and took the razor to my wrist, slicing the pale skin. It felt so fucking good. I had forgotten how great cutting had made me felt, it made it so I wouldn't have to deal with all my fucking feelings. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, I knew this was wrong, but I was suffering. I couldn't handle anything anymore, this was my only outlet. I opened my eyes seeing several cuts littering my arm. I sighed again and put my razor back in its box. I went to the bathroom and washed off the blood. I then went back into my room and started to get dressed. I pulled on a pair of dark skinny jeans, a grey t-shirt, and my hoodie. Wouldn't want anyone to see my fresh cuts. I went back to my bathroom and did my hair and make-up, then went into my room to put on my converse, but before I left I took my razor out of its box and shoved it into my pocket, just in case I needed it.

Then I grabbed my phone and iPod and left my apartment. I went outside to my car and got in. Then I made my way to rehearsal, when I got there I looked at my phone to check the time. Shit, I'm late, again. But honestly I don't really care, nothing matters anymore. I shouldn't even be alive, everything would be better if I were just dead. I got out of my car and made my way into the building. I made my way on stage Adam was talking to the manager when his eyes fell on me, he excused himself and walked over to me.

"You're late, again." He said and I sighed. Sorry Adam I was too busy trying to force myself to come here.

"Sorry." I said, my voice showing no emotion.

"What's your excuse?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I…..slept in…didn't hear my alarm." I lied. Adam didn't buy it. I was usually pretty good at lying I just didn't care anymore. There was no point. Besides Adam always knows when I'm lying, if I'm trying or not. He just knows me too well. He sighed.

"Whatever it was, Tommy, I wish you would just tell me, but I get it you don't trust me," He said, "Just don't make a habit of being late." He started to walk away.

"Adam, wait," I said, he stopped walking, "It's not that I don't trust you." He turned around. He was hurt and confused.

"Then what is it, Tommy?" He asked, "Why won't you talk to me? What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything." I said softly.

"Then, why?" He asked.

"It's complicated, I tried to explain it to you, it's something I have to handle on my own." I said.

"Why, why do you always have to do everything on your own?" He asked, "I'm your friend, Tommy. You used to tell me everything, why can't you talk to me now?"

"Because you don't love me." I mumbled, quiet enough so he couldn't hear me.

"What?" He asked.

"Because this is different," I said, "We're not kids anymore, Adam! I can't just go back to telling you everything again! I grew up, okay?"

"Just because we're not kids anymore doesn't mean shit, Tommy!" He said loudly, "You just can't trust anyone!"

"Adam, I-.." He cut me off.

"Just stop, Tommy. I'm sick of your excuses, now we've wasted enough time, we have to start rehearsing." And with that he left. I wanted to cry, I wanted to breakdown and curl up on the ground. But I swallowed my tears, walked over to my bass and started to play. Rehearsal had never felt so long, with the tension between Adam and I. I couldn't handle it. I felt awful, I always fuck everything up. See this is why everyone would be happier if I was gone. No one would have to deal with my shit.

"Okay guys, take 5." Adam said, his voice cold and unfeeling. Ugh this was my entire fault, I'm such a dick. I set my bass down and walked over to Adam. I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around giving me a cold stare.

"Can we talk?" I asked. He sighed.

"Talk." He said.

"I'm really sorry, Adam," I said, "I feel horrible, I wish I could tell you what's going on but right now I just can't. Not now and not here. But I will, I promise. So do you think you could forgive me, even though I really don't deserve it?" He rolled his eyes.

"Okay, fine," He said, and I smiled a little, "I can't stay mad at you anyway."

"Thanks, Adam." I said.

"So anyway," He started, "Before we had that little argument I wanted to ask if you wanted to come out tonight to meet my new boyfriend." My heart stopped.

"Your new…boyfriend?" I asked. He nodded, smiling.

"Yeah, remember that guy I told you about yesterday during rehearsal, well I told him how I felt and now we're together, isn't that great!" He said with excitement. I forced myself to smile.

"Yeah, great." I said faking happiness. His smile grew.

"So, will you meet him?" He asked. I really didn't want to, but I would do anything for Adam. I would jump off a building for him. I would even meet his new boyfriend just so he would smile. It was kind of sick how in love I was. I was willing to do anything and everything for him. Even if it tears me apart inside.

"Sure, I'd love to." I mumbled. Adam pulled me into a hug.

"That's great!" He said, "He's dying to meet you! We're meeting tonight at Spin, it's a club near my house, do you know where it is?"

"Yeah, I think so." I said.

"Great, I'll see you there at 10 tonight!" he said with a smile. I forced a smile and then we went back to rehearsal. It dragged on forever but it finally after. After it was finally over I didn't stop to talk to Adam like I always did, I just went straight home. IK didn't want to talk, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to curl up in my room and cut. Because tonight I had to meet the man that stole my Adam away from me. It was horrible that I was judging him before knowing him, but I couldn't really help it. Once I got home I collapsed into my bed, tears running down my face. I pulled my razor out of my pocket and pulled the sleeve of my hoodie up and brought my razor to my arm. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, trying to escape this awful world.

After I was down I sat my razor down on my side table. And closed my eyes again, trying to at least get a little sleep before tonight.

**Sorry for the short chapter, hopefully the next one will be a little longer. Also I was thinking of making another edition to this, and I was wondering if any of you would read it if I did. So I would appreciate it if you would give me feedback on that. Lots of love xx**

** ~Sarah~ **


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Tommy's POV **

I stared at my reflection in my mirror applying my make-up. I was going out tonight to….to meet Adam's new boyfriend. I had to fight back my tears at the thought. I didn't want to go; all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and never see Adam again. But I knew I had to go, Adam just means so much to me. I picked up my eyeliner and started to apply it, I had to make sure I looked decent. I hadn't gotten much sleep at all for the past few days, with all of this fucking drama…how could I sleep? So I had to wear heavier make-up, so y'know no one will notice. Not like they would anyway, I'm going to a club. Everyone's too drunk to care if I look like a zombie or not, besides it's always too dark to tell. I'm just worried about Adam noticing. He already knows there's something wrong.

Well everyone knows there's something wrong with me; it's not hard to tell. I'm just tired of Adam always nagging me about it. He doesn't need to know. I don't want him to know about all my fucked up feelings, I mean if he ever found out that I was cutting…god. I feel horrible for keeping all of this from him, though. I mean he deserves to know, doesn't he? He's my best friend. I'm in love with him. But there are things about me that…that are just too dark. It's better if he never finds out. After I was done applying my make-up I straightened my bangs and then left my bathroom.

I was dressed in the same outfit I had worn to rehearsal today; I wasn't really trying very hard to look good. I just wanted to appear decent, healthy. Even though I had gotten paler, I hadn't eaten since god knows when, and I haven't been sleeping. Swell. I sighed and checked the time on my phone. 9:45 pm. I better get going, don't wanna be late…

I grabbed my car keys off of my bedside table, pulled on my converse, and then left my apartment. I stepped out of the building as a cool breeze hit my face. I looked up at the dark night sky that was lit up with thousands upon thousands of stars. It was beautiful. I would've taken a moment to admire it if I wasn't so preoccupied with my own inner demons. I sighed deeply as I made my way to my car. I unlocked it and sat down in the driver's seat. I started my car and pulled out of the parking lot, making my way to the club. My mind was going haywire with thoughts. I was tempted to turn around and go back home, to forget about all of this shit. Forget about trying to make Adam happy. But I couldn't do that, I was madly in love with the man. I couldn't just forget about it. I said I would go and therefore I have to go, I can't let him down.

He seemed so happy and full of life. He wanted me to meet his new lover, he wanted my approval. He wants me to be his friend. So I will. For him. Fuck my feelings, his are more important. It took me around 20 minutes to get to the club. I parked my car in the parking lot and made my way inside; praying to the nonexistent god that this night would be over soon. Once I was inside I was blinded by all the bright, colorful lights. Music was pounding in my ears as I searched for Adam. I wasn't exactly sure as to where he would be. Finally I spotted him at the bar and started to make my way over there. The logical side of me was telling me not to go over there. That this was a horrible idea and I was just going to end up getting hurt. That something really bad was going to happen. I finally arrived at the bar, right behind Adam, I tapped his shoulder and he jumped slightly. He turned around and his face suddenly broke out into a huge grin.

"Tommy!" He said cheerfully as he pulled me into a tight hug, which I returned. I had to fight the frown when he pulled away from me. "I'd like you to meet Ben." A short, brunette boy stood from the chair next to Adam's. His hair was slightly spiked, and he had these gorgeous bright green eyes. He was a few inches shorter than I was and looked to weigh about as much as I did. He was dressed in black skinny jeans, a light purple shirt, and a loosened black tie. He was cute, adorable even, but I couldn't help but hate him. He smiled slightly, but it seemed forced.

"It's nice to finally meet you," He said, "Adam's told me so much about you." He studied me carefully, his eyes narrowing slightly. If I wasn't mistaken he seemed to…not like me. Maybe it was just my imagination…but…

"Nice to meet you too." My voice friendly, but it was fake. I didn't like him. I know I was judging him without knowing him. But…I just couldn't help it alright? He stole Adam away from me.

"Why don't you two talk," Adam piped in, "I invited some friends, so I'm going to go look for them." Adam kissed Ben's cheek quickly and I had to fight the urge to kill something. He left me and him alone as he went to go find his friends. I looked down at him, searching for something to say. I wanted to scream at him, lash out, but I couldn't. I had to play nice.

"Take a seat, Tommy." He said, his voice showing no emotion. I shrugged. I sat down in the chair Adam had been before I had come. Ben sat down next to me, and then ordered a drink. I stared at my eyes for a while before he finally spoke.

"Listen, Tommy," He said, "I know how you feel about Adam," My head shut up and I stared wide eyed at the smaller boy, "I know you're in love with him." I was about to deny it, say Adam and I were only friends and that's all I thought of him. But he stopped me.

"Don't bother denying it," He said, "I saw how you looked at him, it's completely obvious how you feel. Adam told him about your little summer romance." He seemed angry.

"So?" I said "That doesn't mean I still love him, we dated once, yes. Ten years ago. It doesn't matter anymore. He has you. He doesn't want me anymore." I knew I sounded miserable, pathetic.

"Cut the crap, Tommy," He said, his voice laced with venom "You love him. But let me tell you something, he doesn't love you."

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"He. Doesn't Love. You." He repeated, "He loves me now, got that? And if you ever even think of coming between us you're going to regret it." I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"I don't like you Tommy," He said, "And I know you don't like me either. SO let's just make this easy. Just leave. I mean why are you even here? To get Adam back? He doesn't want you anymore. So just go."

"No." I said, "I'm not leaving. Adam is my friend, okay? That's all we are. And I'm not gonna leave just because his douchey, jealous boyfriend tells me to. So fuck off." I was angry. Oh I was beyond angry. I can't believe Adam was in love with this twink. He was such a fucking dick.

"Fine." He said, "If you're not gonna leave you better stay out of the way. I have Adam wrapped around my finger. Won't be long until you're out of the picture." My eyes narrowed, I wanted to hit him. I wanted to fuck him up. I wanted to yell and scream and beat the shit out of this kid.

"Listen you little prick-.."

"Hey guys what are you talking about?" Adam spoke. I stopped speaking immediately. Ben looked away from me then up at Adam. He smiled.

"Oh nothing, baby." Ben said. Adam leaned down and kissed him on the top of his head. I wanted to take and slap him. Couldn't he see through his boyfriend's act? Couldn't he see how much he hated me and wanted me out of the picture? Could he not see what a dick he was? Guess not.

"Whatever you say." Adam said. I looked down at the floor. I wanted to leave. I wanted to disappear. I didn't want to deal with all of this anymore. Why couldn't life just be simple for once?

"You okay, Tommy?" Adam asked, sensing my distraction, I nodded slightly, looking up from the floor.

"Yeah, I'm fine…just not feeling well," I said, "I think I'm gonna go home and get some rest." Adam frowned slightly.

"Oh…um okay," He said softly, "I'll walk you out." He looked down at his ass of a boyfriend, "I'll be right back, baby." I wanted to puke. Adam and I walked side by side out of the club. It was silent between us until we reached my car.

"So I guess I'll see you tomorrow." He said and I nodded, he was about to turn around but then something came over me. I grabbed his arm and he turned around giving me a confused look. Before I could even register what I was doing I stood on my tippy toes and slowly kissed Adam softly on the lips. I couldn't help the small moan that escaped my lips at the contact, but before I could go any farther Adam pulled away, giving me a look of pure shock. I blushed wildly and before he could say anything I spoke.

"I have to go." I said softly, Adam looked like he was about to protest but I opened my car door and left him standing there alone and confused. As I made my way home one thought was running through my mind, what the fuck did I just do?

**There you are, loveys. I just wanted to let you all know that I am really considering writing edition to this. If I can come up for an idea for it, I will :3 And also I started writing another story, it's a saulbert fic. It's called Forever. So if you want to you can check that out ^_^ Lots of love xx **

** ~Sarah~ **


	10. Chapter 10

**A\N:**

**Hey, so I suppose I owe all of you a bit of an explanation. So it has been like 2 years or so since I last updated this fanfic and I am so sorry D: I lost interest in adommy, then lost interest in Adam (feel free to hate me), and have been fandom jumping ever since. I've currently found myself in the Dan and Phil fandom (danisnotonfire and amazingphil) and the Harry Potter fandom, how even did that happen? But I feel as an author I owe my readers closure and I know I left this story in such a horrible place so this is my peace offering. The characters may be slightly OOC but since I have left that fandom I've kind of forgotten a lot. So please, please don't hate me and I want to thank so many of you for sending me kind messages and reviews asking me to update and complimenting my work. I'd like to take this moment to thank all of you for the encouragement and the inspiration since beginning this fanfiction account. So this goes out to you *eternal hugs and cookies for all of you***

**Chapter 10**

**Adam's POV**

Tommy just kissed me. I can't believe it. Tommy actually just kissed me. I stood there dumbfounded in a nearly abandoned parking lot with only that thought running through my head. I could still feel Tommy's lips against mine, his small form pressed against me and bringing me back to the summer of '99. I had thought that Tommy had moved on from all of that. Did he still have feelings for me? Well, he just kissed me so that's kind of a stupid question isn't it?

I should go back inside. Ben's probably worried about me, but the more I think of it the more I'm reminded of the fact that I don't want to go and see Ben. Even the thought of being near him right now makes me feel sick. All I want to do is go see Tommy and sort this all out. I wanted to get him back here and scream at him for making me feel like this and not telling me that he still had feelings.

I grabbed my phone from out of my pocket and dialed in Tommy's number. I tried several times but he refused to pick up, dammit. I ran a frustrated hand through my hair as I sighed loudly. I raced over to my car frantically to find a very pissed looking Ben standing there with his hands on his hips.

"Where have you been?" He hissed at me.

"I…I just," I groaned, "It doesn't matter. What matters right now is that I need to get to Tommy" I sputtered out while moving towards the driver's door on my car.

"No you listen to me" He walked up to me in an angry huff, jabbing his finger into my stomach, "I don't want you anywhere near that little slut. He's trying to steal you from me."

"Don't you ever talk about Tommy like that!" I snapped at him, "He's my friend and I'll see him as much as I damn well please!"

"Well it's either him or me, Adam" Ban tapped his foot impatiently awaiting my answer.

"Get out of my way, Ben" I hissed, "I'm going to see Tommy so I guess it's over between us." Ben's eyes started to bug out of his head like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Ugh, I can't believe you!" He screamed, "You'll regret this!" And with that he stomped away and I had to be honest I was glad to see him go. All this time I never knew but it was Tommy all along. It was always Tommy that I was meant to be with and I couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else.

I hopped into my car and started racing over to Tommy's apartment. I was afraid that somehow I'd be too late and when I got there he'd be done and I'd never be able to see him ever again.

I got to his apartment shortly afraid and ran up to his room, banging frantically on the door. After standing out there for about 15 minutes I began to grow extremely impatient.

"Tommy!" I yelled through the door, "Please open up! I really need to talk to you, please."

"Go away!" A soft voice croaked back.

"Please open the door, Tommy!"

"Why don't you go back to your boyfriend!" He retaliated.

"I broke up with Ben, Tommy." I yelled back to him desperately. A few minutes later the door cracked open and there appeared a very broken looking tommy. His hair was all messy and sticking up at odd angles and his eyes were bright red from crying.

"W-what?" He choked out.

"Can I please come in?" I asked him, my voice slightly sore from yelling. He nodded weakly and I followed him into his apartment and moved to sit down next to him on his couch.

"You…you broke up with Ben?" Tommy asked quietly.

"Yeah…yeah I did" I looked at him silently begging him to look back.

"W-why?" He sounded so broken and confused. I just wanted to take him into my arms and make everything better.

"Because" I said slowly, "I didn't realize…I'm in love with someone else."

"W…what?" He finally looked up at me, his cheeks still stained with tears, "Who?" I smiled slightly. Even with tears running down his face, messy hair, and clothing Tommy was still as perfect as ever. If I wasn't mistaken I would have sworn we were both seventeen again, admitting our love to each other for the first time. Just a couple of kids too stupid to realize consequences.

I leaned in and before I knew it my lips were on his and it felt as if they had never left. It felt like nothing ever changed. That those 10 years didn't mean a thing because we were here right now. I could swear all of this was worth the wait. I would had a thousand years for Tommy, I would do whatever it took to have him in my life.

I pulled away slightly and smiled, "You," I kissed him again, "And I never stopped."

"I…I love you too," He stuttered then pecked my lips again, "Does this mean…we can be together again? Just like we were when we were kids?"

I smiled brightly and pulled him into my arms.

"You bet." I whispered into his ear. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

**A\N:**

** I'm so sorry I'm shit at endings. But I hoped you enjoyed the closure and thanks so much for sticking with me through this whole journey! I'm planning on starting up with fanfiction again for my other fandoms so if you're interested in any of them come and read them :3 But anyway I love you all so much! Thank you for everything. *heart* **


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